I apologize that April somehow slipped by without a post. I've previously mentioned that burlesque is a new hobby of mine and on April 17th I debuted as Betsy Dean Buttercream. Up until the performance, I was entirely consumed with choreography, costuming and cake props. I never knew that corset-shopping and glue-gunning pink satin bows required so much energy!
I think of burlesque as the creation of a fantasy world where everything is more beautiful and sparkly and liberated than in real life. The main goal of my performance, which involved an Easy Bake Oven, a ridiculously oversized cake and tassel twirling while eating, was to be equally food positive and body positive. Though burlesque does raise a heightened awareness of the body, and the process certainly brought a few pangs of self-consciousness, I didn't change my eating habits in the weeks leading up to the striptease. I fully admit to some feelings of guilt after indulging in desserts, but part of Buttercream's achievement, I decided, is that she takes pleasure not just in eating food, but in the full bodily experience. Our bodies, after all, are inseparable from what sustains them.
My relationship to food, and from food to body, is generally a stable and loving one, especially if I compare myself to some female peers, but it's always in flux. It's strange that my body should be a relative thing. Lying beside different men, my parts take on different proportions and my perspective of my own size can change dramatically depending on how tall or large or small my partner is. Burlesque has further altered my perspective, forcing me to view and present myself as an object of beauty. First coming into this body, I never would have imagined such a thing, but the desire to dance crept up over the past few years, a secret, seductive itch.
I'm happy to've created two alternate identities, one a stripper and one a cook, and that their meeting place is somewhere inside me. Lucy and Betsy represent different facets of myself, but they both place the kitchen table center stage.
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